CLARE KELLY

observed

2011-08-01T16:24:00.000-07:00

contemplate it

2010-11-12T21:20:00.000-08:00

mi familia

2010-10-26T23:38:00.001-07:00

"aprendemos amarse"

2010-08-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

Conclusions I've come to, this week's edition

2010-08-01T23:59:00.000-07:00

I would never want to be famous

2010-07-29T19:29:00.000-07:00

things i did this summer so far

-ate an entire tray of raspberries
---stopped eating dairy
-went dancing a lot
---danced with a guy in a wheelchair
---danced with a guy who wouldn't stop twirling me until i was going to be sick (aka the mystery twirler, who then disappeared)
-learned the names of all my bones
-watched a lot of documentaries about the holocaust, got bummed
---went running with my puppy, got blissed
-held a human brain
-dissected a cow's eye (beautiful) and a sheep's brain (nasty)

Love is Real

2010-06-17T21:56:00.000-07:00

The Past

2010-06-05T14:11:00.000-07:00

My Grandma Clara (in overalls) painting a door in Marin, 1920s.

2010-04-17T19:29:00.000-07:00

have you ever had something make you laugh, and you had no idea why? I just took an overdone yam out of the oven and it was oozing sweet pus out of the crinkly foil. I couldn't stop laughing!

Sisters

2010-04-13T22:52:00.000-07:00

I'm really into how my younger sister's pictures are of just like what I like to take pictures of also, in my private secret bored time.

Changes

2010-03-10T23:40:00.001-08:00

In Washington state it is totally kosher to just roll up on the beach and park--in California I think you might get arrested.

2010-02-04T18:32:00.000-08:00

Can't believe we are moving in a week. Good-bye LA, I gotta plan you a good-bye party. Also I gotta pay my bills and pack away all my stuff. SO MUCH STUFF IN BOXES EVERYWHERE

Check me out

2010-01-18T14:02:00.000-08:00

This nice guy Jeff made a little post about my photos, totally sweet of him. I like what he picked.

LA DWP

2010-01-10T23:28:00.000-08:00

So every couple of months I pay a bill that goes to the LA department of water and power, which is a scary giant institution that has planted vaguely 60's era buildings at random intervals around LA (I like to think that the windowless concrete structures are hiding a supply of bright light and clear water within). 11 months of the year they are your standard faceless institution, and then suddenly during Christmas-time they go all out with a really elaborate light display in Griffith park. For some reason I was/am kind of obsessed with it. They had one light up Santa where he was lifting weights on Venice Beach, but a photo did not do it justice.

aliens exist aka LAX

The Grand Finale

what's up

2009-12-20T23:12:00.000-08:00

social events

27 miles of scenic beauty

daddy in the hospital

2009-11-29T17:52:00.000-08:00

to a young child

Margaret, are you grieving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leaves, like the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Ah! as the heart grows older
It will come to such sights colder
By & by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
And yet you will weep & know why.
Now no matter, child, the name:
Sorrow's springs are the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What heart heard of, ghost guessed:
It is the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for.

euclase me

2009-11-22T23:40:00.000-08:00

experimenting with not recording what happens (it's a relief)

when i get the itch i will start again

until then,

clare

biggest sur

2009-10-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

i started a diary (a written-down one). on the entry about big sur i talk about drinking beer in a cabin and going swimming in my underwear. doing backstroke and watching the sky with no sound like black velvet surrounding.

2009-10-01T21:55:00.000-07:00

3 years of reggie

2009-09-26T18:50:00.000-07:00

so happy. don't know what i did to deserve unconditional love, but it's here, and it's a garden that goes on for ever and ever.

"agua que no has de beber, déjala correr"

2009-09-22T17:58:00.000-07:00

bodies

2009-09-07T22:59:00.000-07:00

I look at her and see remnants of my own.

2009-09-05T11:11:00.001-07:00

back in LA

2009-09-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

choking on fire

the grid

2009-08-27T01:06:00.000-07:00

being back in san francisco is like being in a dirtier disneyland version of a city where every block is packed with layers of being 15 years old.

dreams

2009-08-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

Best dream I had recently: Harry Potter accidentally helped change Voldermort from a state of bodiless formlessness into a body. All Voldermort wanted to do once he had a body was practice painting watercolors of Hogwarts castle and rejoice in the sunshine.

2009-07-24T09:52:00.000-07:00

This photo was taken while i was waiting around for my grandfather to die. Waiting for someone to die is awful. Everything was still and nothing looked normal. It was very quiet, and I felt very far away from myself. Time moved differently. My grandfather was psychic. When I got into a bad car accident a few years ago, he knew before my grandmother got the call.

2009-07-14T19:32:00.000-07:00

i miss san francisco so much it hurts

social situations

2009-07-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

nate and I decided the hat party kind of resembles a high school improv class with an extremely limited budget.

deana is my hero. showing up to a party in a bikini top.

bethany's meek face.

sitting on rocks for hours.

the best wink.

meta internet 2.0

2009-07-09T21:51:00.000-07:00

it's really weird to read about what you did on monday as a blog post.

today i took a midterm for my class on the early history of India. part of the test involved writing extensively about the concept of karma. the guy next to me was cheating the whole time.

2009-07-01T16:55:00.000-07:00

top three memories:

1. I was in preschool, playing at a tot park. I looked up and saw the sky, and had this intense revelation of how big the whole world is, and how I was a part of all the nevernding bigness. I tried to remember my own name, and I couldn't.

2. Private

3. Private

2009-06-30T03:09:00.000-07:00

2009-06-28T12:47:00.000-07:00

Me, live at the scene of MJ's death

2009-06-25T15:48:00.001-07:00

Really sad and weird
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

2009-06-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

i'm 21 now (finally). reggie made me a bracelet out of grass. life is awkward and beautiful.

2009-06-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

i think this is what i like the most: seeing imaginary shadow geometry when i first wake up. my first instinct is to reach for the camera. sometimes i wish i could just see it fully without wanting anything else from it.

seeing/eating

2009-06-10T22:16:00.000-07:00

done with school

2009-06-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

the best feeling. wrote two papers this morning, one on Abu Ghraib and why photographs steal people's souls (i believe it), and another on sci-fi movies and robots as metaphors for disposable workers/human trafficking. oh college.

less than two weeks until my 21st birthday, guys. what am i going to do? i want to go dancing.

#1 favorite building in la

2009-06-03T23:58:00.000-07:00

i like it cos it looks like a roll of film, duh

never forget

2009-06-03T09:40:00.000-07:00

Poodle Dog Good Food ft. "The Pup Room" in '09

2009-05-21T21:35:00.000-07:00

2009-05-19T09:34:00.000-07:00

I had totally forgotten about the waving man. This guy was awesome! For 30 years he waved at traffic in Berkeley and told everyone to have a good day. When I was little, seeing him was like seeing some mega-celebrity. I remember being too scared to wave at him because I was so in awe. When he died it was a really big deal in the East Bay. I always liked that he wore those gloves because it made his waving look more like the hamburger helper hand.

2009-05-14T13:16:00.000-07:00

does this mean I've sold out? por otro lado, i don't think i'll ever make enough money with this to offset the cost of rolls of film i've opened without rewinding.

2009-05-13T10:56:00.000-07:00

last night's dream: held down by polite vampires who drove a stake through my heart. it's like, could my dreams be any more annoyingly rich with dumb metaphors for something?

2009-05-12T09:36:00.001-07:00

2009-05-11T23:55:00.000-07:00

you complete me

2009-05-11T23:22:00.000-07:00

2009-05-06T16:00:00.001-07:00

from 2007. 2 years ago today.

reggie, pre-giant white-t era.

how amazing is light?

also, cannot believe this is already two years ago.

2009-05-03T10:05:00.000-07:00

do you still celebrate people's birthdays after they've died? i don't know the correct etiquette, but not saying this wouldn't feel right. happy birthday grandaddy. i love you forever.

did you feel that?

2009-05-01T18:15:00.000-07:00

another earthquake, another blog post

2009-04-30T10:03:00.000-07:00

pressing questions: should the hollywood bear replace the bear on the california state flag? his eyes are full of dreams.

jesse spears saw a bear last week. a real live bear in LA.

the sea was angry that day, my friends.

the golden hour of "daddy like"

2009-04-27T22:02:00.000-07:00

recommendation

2009-04-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

everyone reading this should go see "sin nombre". there were some shots in the film that were so beautiful that they took my breath away. i don't even care if that's a cliche. it was so beautiful that i stayed during the credits to see who the cinematographer was, even though i really had to pee and i don't even know anything about cinematography. seriously guys, go.

2009-04-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

san francisco is good. lazy saturday.

a useful dog.

a hot day, wandering around golden gate park.

wandered onto an angling demonstration. men casting long strings across a shallow pool.

a tree crossing one leg

had to go home. too hot to do anything.

amy really has the whole matching thing down.

rosie isn't having it.

2009-04-14T21:45:00.000-07:00

went to disneyland for the first time. this was the best part. i love colored rope!

proof i love colored rope: part of a sculpture i made when i was a sophomore.

so close to puking in a teacup.

yes.

hey guys

2009-04-12T13:17:00.000-07:00

i gave up blogging for lent. but now this is back on.

nascar

2009-02-25T21:04:00.000-08:00

Reggie's christmas present to his dad was to take him (and me) to the opening weekend of NASCAR, in Fontana. The sounds the cars make are so loud all you can do is listen to them overtaking the entire arena until there is a car crash and everyone has to go slower. The sounds the cars make are completely hypnotizing. you start listening to the reverb and hearing little screaming noises twisting inside the echoes of the sound. Reggie also heard the little screaming noises, i think. This one day depleted our collective ability to hear more than a month of No Age shows ever did. I also got kind of high off of the exhaust fumes. The smell of gasoline gets into everything. At the end of the day, Reggie's dad bought me a NASCAR bear, which was really sweet of him.

2009-02-24T22:16:00.000-08:00

2009-02-18T17:51:00.000-08:00

i had the best valentine's day. california is filled with endless magic.

2009-02-12T21:34:00.000-08:00

things i think about doing, but haven't yet:

1. drive back to south dakota. find the boy with the long flowing hair who, three years ago, rode up to me on a horse while i was setting up my tent. find out his name and how he's doing.

2. drive home. take extremely dignified 4x5 portraits of the pigeons at the ackerman food court. get them framed and maybe hang them in my apartment.

2009-02-09T21:41:00.000-08:00

missing oaxaca today. dreaming all my classes away thinking about the banana flowers, cockroaches flying into your hair, tlayudas, eating pepinos con chile from a little plastic cup, etc. amazing how depressing southern california feels when it rains.

favorite 4 seconds of today

2009-02-03T20:53:00.000-08:00

2009-01-31T23:55:00.001-08:00

2009-01-27T21:04:00.000-08:00

Today was long and involved a lot of thinking. I think I strained my neck reading, if that is even possible. After school, Reggie picked me up and took me to the hills (not THE HILLS), and we found a secret path by a basketball court, lined with the vines that have neon-green sprung-coil curly-cue shoots (which wrap themselves round the dead things beneath them, in order to get their footing to spread up towards the light). My camera's battery died before I could take their picture, but they were so beautiful.

I've been getting good advice lately. Reggie knows about how to tell me advice without saying anything, and just taking me to a quiet place where things grow. David Scott Stone taught me, on sunday, how to flip a coin between emotion and intellect (you do two out of three, or it doesn't count until you get the answer you wanted in the first place). I climbed the secret path up the side of the hill until it was too steep to keep going.

2009-01-26T21:25:00.000-08:00

My mom has the best haircut of any 56 year old I know.

2009-01-24T20:13:00.000-08:00

My sister sleeps/is sleepy a lot. She's a senior in high school. She's sleeping in a weird position here, in my mom's bed. She was born at home, but not in a bed. My mom was sitting in a desk chair when my sister fell out and hit the floor. My sister is convinced that this gave her brain damage, and brings it up whenever she forgets to do something. We still have the desk chair, and I always feel weird when I sit in it.

This is what happens when you google yourself.

2009-01-19T18:01:00.001-08:00

i hope it's an outfit for me to go clubbing/whoring in. bizarro reality.

2009-01-17T17:49:00.000-08:00

Maya lin knows how to do it right.

2009-01-16T15:14:00.000-08:00

86 degrees in january is fucked up.

2009-01-13T15:43:00.000-08:00

These are all from Saturday night when Roy and Reggie and I walked to the Getty Center for no reason.

It was a longer walk than we thought it would be.

did you feel that?

2009-01-08T19:51:00.001-08:00

little earthquake

2009-01-07T17:56:00.000-08:00

more and more

2009-01-03T22:32:00.000-08:00

2009-01-02T23:56:00.000-08:00

I was in san francisco for new years' eve. I bought a ten-dollar camera that had a flash at thrift town. I kind of went buck with the whole "I have a flash" thing, and used a whole roll that night. None of the pictures made any sense, but you kind of get the entire narrative with these two.

2008-12-30T20:46:00.000-08:00

The Point Reyes lighthouse. It was all foggy/dreamy like the end of the world.

That's my dad and my sister. We saw two migrating Grey whales.

West marin is the best. One day soon it will be an island, but it already feels like one.

That's Reggie and the Pacific Ocean. They look really good together.

the other part

2008-12-23T16:19:00.000-08:00

navajo reservation lands, united states

golden gate park, san francisco california

oaxaca, mexico

my dad's house, california

the chino spectrum, chino, california

golden gate park, san francisco california

part one

2008-12-18T22:29:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite moments of this past year happened in Louisiana at a rest stop. We had been driving through Texas all day and so when we stopped and stood up i felt like my body was still traveling. It reminded me of being in the ocean and letting the waves go over you until you still feel them on the walk back to the car. So I'm moving through space all wobbly, everyone else is at the vending machine, the sun is setting into the spanish moss, and this sweet old man makes small talk to me about how beautiful the magnolias are. i wanted to write this down because it's the kind of beautiful ordinary moment that is so easy to forget.

gratitude

2008-12-17T23:00:00.000-08:00

who thought up these little ties for your comforter in order to evenly spread the warmth? how can i thank them for this great gift to the world?

get home safe

2008-12-15T10:21:00.000-08:00

i'm just always trying to re-create my favorite days. in this photo i am re-creating this one.

2008-12-07T21:41:00.000-08:00

it's about this feeling that two different things from far corners of your life are closely related.

when

2008-12-04T15:26:00.000-08:00

does it get easier to miss someone?

2008-12-03T18:11:00.000-08:00

2008-12-03T00:39:00.000-08:00

you know you're the best.

i love things. i love these pipes.

2008-12-02T13:55:00.000-08:00

pro n cons of photography version 0.0001

pros

being able to save what your eyes see (more details than dreams or memory)

cons
putting something in between yourself and your experience

2008-12-02T05:13:00.000-08:00

2008-11-30T23:39:00.000-08:00

"Sometimes you don't need to use words to go through what you need to go through. Sometimes it's an emotion that you need to feel when you dance...and the only thing that can touch it is when you move a certain way"

-Britney Spears

2008-11-30T04:32:00.000-08:00

lugares secretos

2008-11-27T18:55:00.000-08:00

list

2008-11-24T00:23:00.000-08:00

dreams i've had in the last week

1. there was all this maple syrup on a windowsill and i had to sop it up with a big piece of bread

2. hanging out with ashley olsen in new york, but she was like a mean girl from high school and made me carry all her shit for her

3. escaping from an arranged marriage in mexico, only to be stopped by an african warlord who shot me with a blue ray of light

2008-11-23T10:06:00.000-08:00

dead relatives

2008-11-20T15:58:00.000-08:00

i don't know what to blog about now that i'm home (los angeles home)

it's so good to be here that i don't even go on the internet to get away

thing

2008-11-16T19:53:00.000-08:00

so some of my photos are going to be shown in new york for one day at this space in manhattan. Wednesday nov. 19th from 6-9 pm as part of the fjord photo project. i will not see it or know anyone who is going, which is a weird feeling, especially for my first show of photos ever. maybe it's not even really happening. i wouldn't even know.

early morning breeze

2008-11-15T13:13:00.000-08:00

this song is so beautiful. it makes me feel like i'm nine years old, driving through the orange groves in central florida with my granddad.

stupid joy

2008-11-12T13:16:00.001-08:00

yesterday

2008-11-11T11:09:00.000-08:00

was reggie's birthday, and i re-watched this video i made for him more than a year ago.

it's still how i feel every day.

you earned the puppy

2008-11-05T14:16:00.000-08:00

i'm so in love, and
i miss you so much

i feel so great about the future

if i had the words i would try to say,

2008-11-03T15:34:00.000-08:00

twilight

2008-10-28T14:50:00.000-07:00

hey guys

2008-10-25T11:03:00.001-07:00

so i'm kind of failing on the process of documenting being in oaxaca. i am in school here and it's kind of like high school because there is a bell (even though my high school didn't have bells...because it was in san francisco and hippies are all about the internal clocks). but it's really more like kindergarten or preschool because all day i have to speak in a language that i am semi-literate in. i think i am learning, though, because when i first got here i couldn't understand what dudes were saying to me when they were trying to hit on me, but now i can. so that's useful.

i went to a mall last night and it really made me miss southern california. i felt really nostalgic for the inland empire and that one night when mike, david, robert, albert, dolores, reggie and i waited for more than an hour for a table at bj's (!!) in the montebello parking lot. why that is the memory that i am homesick for, i have no idea. i miss the desert and how the light is more yellow at home. i miss the ocean and the dust.

have you ever

2008-10-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

seen something this beautiful?